Subscribe
photo credit: JasonRogers
I‘m Stocking up on canned foods and duct tape, and so should you.
Yes, the stock market is crashing; “volatile” as the New York Times just informed me. But who’s really going to need money at the End of Days? Exactly. Here’s some other indications that the world is nearing its end. Sorry to be the one to break the news for everyone, but my prophetic visions are rarely wrong…
Glowing Jellyfish Wins the Nobel Prize for Chemistry. Scientists across the world are flummoxed by the evolutionary capabilities of an organism that has literally existed for millions of years. This does not bode well for the human race.
PREDICTION: I’m thinking we’re about to devolve into amoeba, but before we do, Bono will start a campaign to forgive the debt burden of the jellyfish, thereby finally winning the Nobel Peace Prize.
Think politics are bad here? Then don’t move to Belgium. They can’t even get together long enough to form a government- the Flemish (or as I call them “The Flems”) blame the Walloons for being lazy, the Walloons blame the Flemish for being nationalistic (read: xenophobic, racist, etc) and historical revisionist.
PREDICTION: How long do you think a country can be kept together by a king and a soccer team in the face of a group like the Vlaams Belang ?! P.S.- their website is funnier (and less frightening) in Dutch for obvious reasons
Leading last weekend’s box office: Beverly Hills Chihuahua, which beat out Eagle Eye (Shia LaBoeuf! Hello!!) AND Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist, which, incidentally, features my future husband Michael Cera. Seriously?! BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA?! There are no words.
PREDICTION: With the possibility of a SAG strike looming, there will be more sequels to Beverly Hills Chihuahua than to the Land Before Time.
Amy Winehouse and Lauren Conrad (who?) share clothes, apparently. Do we think that this Lauren Conrad character could get herpes/impetigo/Hepatitis from wearing Amy’s dress? I would be careful if I were you, Lauren. You wouldn’t want to get so sick that you could no longer do what it is that you do every day (which is what exactly?).
Oh yeah, and here at Georgetown: over 200 norovirus cases, a MRSA outbreak, and a hate crime. Way to be right on trend!
Rating:
(3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5)
Loading ...Tags: doom, Leslie Gordon
Related Posts:
Ryan
10/08/08
1:58 pm
You left out the fact that Barack Obama is leading in the polls. The strong possibility that a ultra liberal, friend to terrorists, crypto-Muslim with a crazy Christian pastor will be elected President is clearly a sign that the world is nearing its end.
Ali
10/08/08
2:22 pm
I’m getting out my nubrella (nubrella.com) and preparing for the worst.
Darcy
10/08/08
7:07 pm
I would just like to point out that the last time a politician was scared of the “end of days” was Y2K. Remember that whole thing? Well poor Stan Jones was scared and dyed himself blue: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stan_Jones_(politician)
Chris
10/08/08
8:15 pm
I remember seeing the preview for Beverly Hills Chihuahua and remarking to my neighbors, “Western civilization died just now.”
Between that and mutant jellyfish, we’ll be reverting back to ape-like status any day now…
Julie A
10/09/08
5:09 am
1. is that picture of a marks and spencer’s shelf?
2. i saw the MP of Flanders (kris peeters?) speak two days ago in london, he’s hottt. negotiations were opened up yesterday, i believe. he repeated “ladies and gentlemen” nearly as often as john mccain repeated “my friends”.